Monday, June 8, 2009

Penny.

Today is one of those days where I wonder why it wasn't me. I think it a lotta days, but today... God, why the fuck did you take Ben & not me? A silly little letter came for Ben today and I just can't stomach that he's not here. I don't like reality.

I wonder what my life would be like today if he was still here. I know he's with me everyday, but if he were to still be here. I feel tingly chills up & down my spine and take that as a sign that he's layin' here next to me. My mom & I have this penny thing... We find pennies in non-sensical places & take that as a marker that Ben is here. There was a single stray penny in the tent this morning.. 

Hey, Ben. Glad you made it to the camp-out. I miss you more than I could ever describe. I'm tryna make you proud. As much as it hurts & as much I just want to crash my car and come to you, I'll keep goin'. I just hope my fire with ignite soon... set my soul ablaze so I can live as whole-heartedly as you did.